dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
