I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
