You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
