My liver just broke up with me...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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