Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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