this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
