don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
