Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
