Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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