Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
