Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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