I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
