We're like a lot better than the average bears
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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