i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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