My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
