Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
