My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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