so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
