at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
