I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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