He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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