i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
