I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
