Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
