Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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