Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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