Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
do herpes really smell.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
