It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
