Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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