i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
