thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
