Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
