I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
