i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
