the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
