You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
