i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
