I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
