Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You made out with two different species that night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
