I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
