But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
