I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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