So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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