Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
