i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
