Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
