You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
