arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
