im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
