lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
