i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
