i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
