I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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