For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
