i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Randomize
